Dear "Islam_tomorrow",


I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is his messenger. Peace and blessings be upon you all. My story of how I reverted back to Islam is quite interesting. I am actually 24 years old now, going on 25. I took my Shahada(CONFESSION) 8 years ago when I was a Junior/Senior in High School.

My parents are both Christians, my Father is a practicing Baptist, and my Mother is a non-practicing Catholic. My Mother wanted my brother and I to be raised so that we can make our own choice when it comes to spirituality. My Father wanted us to be raised Baptist. However, my parents divorced when I was very young(age 3 or so), and we lived with our Mother.

[Many today take the name "Christian" but neither know Jesus Christ as their savior nor have they obeyed the true Gospel message preached by Jesus Christ. Many who are society calls "Christian" are nothing but religious in culture. They neither obey Christ nor do they resemble Him in practice or character. They do not understand the true Gospel preached by Christ and the apostles, nor do they preach it. The Catholic church does not teach the original message of Christ, but instead teaches salvation through ITSELF and participation in ITS rituals as do many religions. Christ is not trusted for Salvation but ultimately peoples own participation in the sacraments is trusted. This is a false Gospel and according to Galatians 1 is completely condemned by God. Many Baptists likewise attend church on Sunday but know nothing of true submission to Jesus Christ as Lord and trust in him as savior. The very fact that your father and mother married despite widely disagreeing religious backgrounds makes their own spiritual maturity suspect (2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3). So while you might consider people Christians, I would be very interested in comparing their beliefs and practices according to Scirpture.]

I can remember going to church with my Father, but all I remember from it was trying to stay awake. It was boring and uninteresting to me, to the point where I disliked going. The last time I went to church with my father was around age 12. As I grew a little older and gained more knowledge about my people's history in this country and how religion has played a part, I began to not only dislike Christianity, but despise it. I began to question why it is that our people are still in the same conditions when we are known for being a very spiritual people. My conclusion was that the religion of Christianity (As being practiced in recent history and present) did not work. Somehow God was not listening to Christians. I also began to associate Christianity as being a slaves religion.

Back in 1990 I stopped eating pork because I felt a force coming towards me, and

I also knew it was not fit for anyone to eat. I didn't know for sure what was happening but during the next year after I stopped eating swine, I began to see signs of Islam. Being a rap video fan, various rap videos by people in the Nation of Islam started appearing. I saw them as signs. Back then I did not know the difference between the Nation of Islam and Islam. They were all the same to me. Also, my cousin had become Muslim, and she had given me several pamphlets on the life of the Prophet(S.A.W.), and Islam Alhamdullilah. She wore hijab and basically was my resource for any questions, concerns, or events going on. She was the only Muslim I knew or had ever been in contact with (outside of Farrakhan video tapes), and provided a great example of a Muslim through her actions.

One of my other concerns with Christianity was why I had to pray through a Middle-Man? Why did I have to pray to a man? I believe in God Almighty. I also didn't know how to pray to God.

Islam provided answers to all of my questions on how to be a worthy servant of God. Islam taught me how to live, and how to pray. My first visit to the Masjid (MOSQUE ) was very powerful. Islam gave me a since of community and peace immediately although I hadn't accepted it yet. It was more realistic to me to pray to God everyday, rather than just thinking about God on Sunday. A way of life, as opposed to just a religion. Those brothers and sisters treated me like family. I took my Shahada (CONFESSION) on my second visit.

Maryam al-Mahdayah

Al-Salamu Alaykum,

My name is Maryam al-Mahdayah - I was not born with this name, but chose it when I converted to Islam (in 1992). My Christian birth name is Maria (Mary in English, Maryam in Arabic). I would like to share with you my personal story of converting to Islam, with the hope that this story might bring with it a better understanding of Islam.

My story is organized into different life-periods:

Growing up Christian (early years)

Turning away (teen years)

Searching for Truth (the twenties)

The Opening (the thirties)

Coming Home (the forties and forever)

GROWING UP CHRISTIAN -- EARLY YEARS

I was raised in the Catholic tradition. I went to Catholic elementary school, learned my Cathechism, received my First Communion, received my Catholic name (after a saint), went to confession, all the important steps to growing up Catholic. I tried my

best to be good, and I was (I was too afraid of some terrible retribution from God if I wasn't) and throughout these years I developed a substantial feeling of guilt (for what, I wasn't sure, but I knew I was guilty of something). The nuns who taught me seemed harsh, and I couldn't understand why these 'brides of Christ' were so tense and angry. In the summers I would travel south to visit my mother's family - my grandfather was at one time a Baptist minister, and my mother was raised in the Baptist tradition.

(Because my father was Catholic she had to convert to Catholicism in order to marry him). So, when I went south, I went to church and Bible school, and sang Christian songs around the antique organ - my aunt would play, and my cousin and I would sing with great feeling. These were good times, and this part of my Christian upbringing was more enjoyable and comfortable. And so the years passed. I spent the school year at home, and summers in the south. My religious life was much of a double life. Looking back, it seems that the only thing the Catholic and Baptist traditions had in common was a foundation in Jesus (peace be upon him). Beyond that, they were two different worlds for me.

TURNING AWAY -- TEEN YEARS

I didn't have an easy childhood, and the family problems grew in severity to the point where one day, I came to the conclusion that there is no God (or, at the very least, if there was a God, He wasn't there for me). I remember that day, laying in my bed at night, waking up to that reality. I suddenly felt a great vacuum within myself, but, I told myself, if that's reality, then I have to accept it. At my level of understanding, that was my reality. As my teen years progressed, I started searching. By this time, I was no longer required to go to church (in our family religious practice was non-existent by then), so I decided to seek the truth myself. I remember reading about Jesus (pbuh). I had a very strong feeling about him, and even felt connected to him in some way. But I could never accept his manner of death (how could someone so special and close to God die like that???). That seemed a tragedy beyond de******ion. And so I developed my own opinion and belief that Jesus (pbuh) was in fact a real person, did in fact live on this earth, was in fact a very special person with a very special mission, but beyond that, I didn't know. Eventually I gave up on the idea of Christianity entirely, because too many things didn't make sense.

SEARCHING FOR TRUTH -- TWENTIES

As I entered my twenties, I felt a tremendous need to find the truth, to still the restlessness in my heart and soul. I was introduced to Buddhism, and since it seemed to come close to what I was looking for (at least there was a clear logic to it), I joined. In many ways it did help me feel better, but to me it seemed to be missing something (what, I didn't know at that time). Over the years, I drifted away from Buddhism as well. It was becoming more of a burden than a comfort in my life. During this time I traveled to Egypt for business, where I met my husband, who was raised in the Muslim tradition. Still involved in Buddhism, I tried to convert him. He patiently listened, and I believed I was succeeding, but I know now that he would never have converted.

THE OPENING -- THIRTIES

So I continued, became more uncomfortable with Buddhist practice, went back to Egypt to get married, came back to the USA alone and eventually returned to Egypt to live with my husband. We were there together for a year, a wondrous, healing and unforgettable year. By now I was in my early thirties. I had just arrived in Egypt to really start married life, stressed out to my limit, feeling very much that I had arrived with my last breath. I had been separated from my husband for over a year (my job kept me in the USA, other concerns kept him in Egypt). We kept in touch all during this time, but it was so difficult and stressful that I lost a great deal of weight. I was described as looking anorexic. I wasn't aware of this until one day I happened to see myself in the rearview mirror of a taxi. I saw my neck, with bones extending. At first I didn't realize that was me - when I did, it was quite a shock. I looked at myself with new eyes - my hands were bony - I was beginning to look like a living skeleton. During this time my husband was talking to me - quietly, patiently - explaining not about Islam, but about believing in God. He told me that it didn't matter which religion I chose to practice, as long as I believed in God. I argued with him over and over that there was no God

(and Buddhism supported this belief) and over and over he explained that there IS a God and gave me details of the signs of God, the qualities of God. He explained how God is very much with me, and talked to me about God from the perspective of Islam, emphasizing throughout that I did not have to be Muslim - just believe in God. Being a stubborn person, I still resisted outwardly, but inwardly, a small window of hope began to open....

My husband asked a friend to bring me some books about Islam. I was surprised he would do so, because I was still "not interested in hearing about God" - sometimes emphatically so. So he left me with the books: an English translation of the Qur'an, a book about all facets of Islam. My interest was slightly piqued, but I dismissed it. I put the books aside, and later went to bed. That night, I had a dream. In this dream, I was somewhere, surrounded by glorious white light. In the background, I heard beautiful music that sounded like Qur'anic reading. I saw the face of a sheikh, wearing a white hat with a red band. Behind me was a golden, spiralling staircase. All these images were suspended in this wondrous white light. This light was brighter that anything I had seen in waking life, but the brightness didn't hurt my eyes. It was pure, heavenly whiteness. Then I looked down, and became aware that I was covered all in white, in the Muslim fashion. Beautiful white flowing dress and head covering. All the while, I kept feeling a tremendous joy pouring out from inside me, and I was filled with this same white light from within. In front of me to my left was a child, about 5 or 6 years old, facing forward so I could not see the face. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl, but I knew this was my child. (At the time, I was physically unable to have children). This dream had a profound impact on me. Although it was 7 years ago, I can still remember it vividly in detail. When I awoke, I related this dream. Not knowing its significance, I told my husband about it because it was so vivid in my mind and didn't make sense to me. I had never had this kind of dream before. When I finished telling it, my husband said, "This is the kind of dream every Muslim wishes to have". But why me? I didn't believe in God, denied His existence (passionately at times), and had no interest in Islam or becoming Muslim. He explained that God was

telling me something in this dream and I was very lucky. He also told me that God was close to me. That surprised me. (Interestingly, this dream did not have a dreamlike quality, but in fact gave me the feeling that I was looking at things to come.) After this dream, I decided to open the books about Islam, and find out more about this religion...

COMING HOME -- FORTIES AND FOREVER

I read about the principles of Islam. They made sense to me, with no contradiction. The de******ions of the Islamic way of life, the roles of men and women in society as complimentary rather than competitive were so logical. After reading this I understood that what I felt instinctively about myself as a woman was, in fact, true to my real nature. Rather than feeling demeaned, I felt uplifted, not only as a woman, but as a member of the human race. I started to feel my true self, for the first time in my life. I began to have the sense that I was coming home. I read the Qur'an. Although not in the Arabic original, I found that just reading the verses in English filled me with a tremendous sense of peace and quiet, in a most gentle way.

The verses themselves answered many questions I had throughout my life, but could never get a clear answer to. Reading the Qur'an, I began to realize that this book must be the work and the word of God, because of its impeccable logic and its effect on me. I learned that this is one of the qualities of the Qur'an, a certain "barakah" or grace that has a very calming effect on the human soul.

Shortly afterward, I had surgery with the hope that I may be able to have a child. The surgery went well, but my chances for having a child were still slim to none. By this time I was reading the Qur'an regularly and trying to learn more about Islam. I asked questions constantly and immersed myself in the atomosphere of Islam - I loved hearing the daily prayer calls on every street and one day asked my husband to take me to Al-Azhar, world-renowned center for Islamic learning, to visit the mosque. I had seen this mosque on TV and felt curiously drawn to it. So one day we went. It was quiet; I walked around, read the Qur'an, sat quietly for a while. It was a nice peaceful time, and we left. About halfway down the street, I stopped and looked down - I wanted to make

sure my feet were touching the ground, because I couldn't feel the sidewalk underneath my footsteps. I truly felt I was walking on air....this is the effect of Islam on me - the feeling of lightness was translated literally.

I had so many unusual experiences during this time, many just momentary things, that I truly began to believe in my heart that God was, indeed, with me and close to me. The best of all in the human sense was that the following year we had a beautiful daughter - truly a gift from God. Even the doctor who had performed the surgery was amazed. This was the first time ever for her to do this kind of surgery, and she had no way of predicting the outcome, except that the chances were small. (God was with me even then).

We moved to the USA and our daughter was born in the autumn, 4 months after our arrival. The following year we went back to Egypt so my husband's family could meet this wonderful addition to our family. Before we left, I decided it was time to officially become Muslim - God had shown me so many signs, that I knew this was

the clear path for me. And so, back in Egypt, I went to Al-Azhar to declare, "There is no God but God, and Muhammad is his Messenger." Now I'm in my forties and looking back through my life, particularly the last 10 years, I see the hand of God in all the hundreds of incidents and events along the way. As one always searching for the Truth, whether good or bad, I have found, through personal experience, that God is THE ONE REALITY. We need only to open our eyes, ears and hearts to recognize the Truth:

[Bismillah al-rahman al-rahim]

" We shall show them Our signs in the

horizons and in themselves, till it is clear to them that it is the truth. Suffices it not as to thy Lord, that He is witness over everything? Are they not in doubt touching the encounter with their Lord? Does He not encompass everything?"


[Sadaqa allahu alazim]


(Qur'an 41:53-54 )

Discovering Islam has been like discovering treasure - a treasure of unlimited value. Because of Islam I have found myself. Through concrete experience I have found that God does exist; that He is kind, loving, merciful and ever-watchful over me. I have found clarity, meaning and clear direction in my life. God has given me so much, including a family beyond my dreams, a family that resonates perfectly with the deepest desires of my heart and soul, as only He can provide in the most perfect way.

I have peace of mind and spirit only when I drink deeply of Islam and the Qur'an, a wondrous healing drink that only God can provide in the most perfect way.

The greatest gift from God to me is that He has touched my soul and let me feel His gentleness, loving kindness and mercy.. In order to become the best, the most productive and most compassionate human beings we can be, God has sent us His final message to mankind in the most perfect way - the way of Islam, the way of peace. My personal experience with Christianity left me feeling empty for so long that I could not acknowledge its value. However, Islam teaches us that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all come from God, each with a message sent from God, and therefore all are worthy of respect.

Although born into Christianity, Islam is the true path of my soul. Because I am now firmly grounded in my relationship to God, I find that I can appreciate other traditions as well, from the perspective of Islam. There is no more conflict within, because I have come home.

In the Name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate

Praise belongs to God, the Lord of all Being,

the All-Merciful, the All-compassionate,

The Master of the Day of Doom.

Thee only we serve; to Thee alone we pray for help

Guide us in the straight path,

the path of those whom Thou hast blessed,

not of those against whom Thou art wrathful, nor of those who go astray.

[Sadaqa allahu alazim]

(Qur'an 1:1-7 / Al-Fatihah)

Phreddie / USA

I will say right away that I am very young. I am only 18, and that fact seems to astound most people. I think it is proof that we are never too young to begin looking for God, or to understand His truth.

I was raised christian, nondenominational. We were never big church goers, but we always knew who our God was and what our obligation was to Him. In my living room, to this day. hangs a big velvet painting of Jesus as a black man. That left a huge imprint on me, because it made God real to me. Not only did he come to earth as a man, but he was black like me.

In my preteen years I was a crusader for Christ. I wanted to convert the world and save souls. i beleived blindly 100% in everything

that was given to me by the Bible and my pastor/youth leader. Then one day I ran across something in the Bible that didn't sound anything like the God who I had learned to love and obey. I thought perhaps I was just too young to understand and took it to a more knowledgable christian who confirmed that it was what I thought it was. My world fell apart.

I read the Bible, cover to cover, and marked along the way all of the things that were

contradictory or ungodly. By the time I got to

revelations i had a large segment of the Bible marked as invalid. So, thinking maybe I

needed to look at it in a historical perspective I did

my history work. There I found even more hypocracy, blasphemy, and human

tampering with holy ******ures. What shocked me was the story of the coucil of

Nice where human men "divinely guided" decided which text would be in the Bible

and which ones needed editing.

I also had to ask myself how God could be three and one at the same time. What happens to a good man like Ghandi when he dies without Jesus? Does Hitler get to go to heaven if he accepts Christ as his lord and saviour? What about those who have never been exposed to christianity? I was once told that the trinity was part of the essence of God and that since the breadth and scope of God is beyond my understanding I should simply beleive. I couldn't worship a God I couldn't understand.

I never lost my faith in God, I just decided that christianity was not the right path for me to travel. I felt no kinship with fellow beleivers. I never felt anything special while attending service except that i was doing an obligatory service to God. So I wandered faithless, looking for something to hold on to. In my search I found Islam.

I studied Islam quietly, on my own, in secret, for two years. I wanted to be able to seperate fact from fiction. i did not want to

confuse Islam with the cultures who claim to practice Islam while instituting things that are clearly against all that Allah has revealed to us.

I wanted to make the distinction between the religion and the societies that adopted it. That took time and patience. I met a lot of helpful brothers and sister via e-mail who answered all of my questions and opened their lives up for me to examine.

I never liked the image that I was handed as to what a woman was. In popular culture we are portrayed as very sexy, lady like, independant enough so that men have no real responsibility toward us or the children they help create, but dependant enough that we are continually in search of a new man. The average woman on the street is honked at , whistled at, has had her butt or breasts pinched, slapped, rubbed, or oggled by some strange woman. I never agreed with any of that and never found a "come on" flattering.

In christianity I was taught that as a woman I should not teach in church or question the authority of any man in public.

The picture painted of women in Christianity was one of inferiority. We were supposed to be chaste and silent with children about our feet.

In Islam i found a voice, a system that gave me ultimate respect for being a mother and acknowledged the fact that I was equal to man in every way except one: physical strength. The hadith are littered with stories of women who spoke publically and Islamic history is full of women who were leaders. It was a theology that i could respect because it respected me.

I had to ask myself if I really wanted to be like all of the people I saw around me. Who was really oppressed? The girl wearing skin tight jeans getting cat calls from boys rolling by in cars was not free. She was society's whore and she got no respect.

I was thankful that my mother had never allowed me to wear such things, not that I ever wanted to, but her disapproval was an added insentive. After examining the position of the muslim woman and what I felt to be truth in my heart, how could I deny Islam.

Six weeks ago i made the decision to convert to Islam. I did so and have not looked back since. My friends respect it because they see that it has not changed who I am and what I stand for, in fact it has backed it up. My advise to any woman out there is to ask herself these questions:

What do you want your daughtor to beleive about herself?

How should she allow herself to be treated?

Is she really born with evil tendencies because she is a descendant of Eve?

How do you want her to feel about her body?

What are you modeling for her?

What image of womanhood are you promoting?

How do men treat you and how do you allow yourself to be treated?

Discovering The Truth . ( Sumaiya (Kristin), USA)

My search for a religion began in high school when I was 15 or 16 yrs. old. I had been associating with a bad group of people whom I thought were my friends, but in time I realized these people were losers. I saw what direction their lives were heading in and it wasn't a good one. I didn't want these people to have any affect on my success for the future, so I cut myself off from them completely. It was hard in the beginning because I was alone without friends. I started to look for something to associate myself with and something that I could rely on and base my life on....Somehting that no person could ever use to destroy my future with. Naturally, I turned to seeking God. Finding out who God was and what the truth was wasn't easy however. What was the truth anyway?! This was my primary question as I began my search for a religion.

In my own family there have been many shifts of religion. My family has Jews and a few kinds of Christianity in it, and now, Alhumdulilah Islam.

When my Mom and Dad were married they felt the need to decide what faith to bring there children up in. Since the Catholic church was really the only option for them (our town just has 600 people) they both converted to Catholicism and raised my sister and I as Catholics.

Going back through the stories of conversions in my own family, it seems that they are all conversions of convenience. I don't think they were truly seeking God, but just manipulating religion as the means to achieving an end.

Even after all these changes in the past, religion was never of extreme importance for my Mom, Dad, sister or I. If anything, ours was the family you saw at church during Christmas time and Easter. I always felt that religion was something separate from my life, 6 days a week or life and one day a week for church, on the rare occasions when I did go. In other words, I wasn't conscious of God or how to live according to His teachings on a day to day basis.

I didn't accept some Catholic practices including:

1) Confessions to a priest: I thought why couldn't I just confess to God without having to go through a man to get to Him?

2) The "Perfect" Pope- How can a mere man, not even a prophet, be perfect?!

3) The worship of saints- wasn't this a direct violation of the first commandment? Even after 14 years of forced Sunday school attendance, the answers I received to these questions and others were, "You just have to have faith!!" Should I have faith because someone TOLD me to?! I thought faith should be based on the truth and answers that appealed to logic, I was interested to find some.

I didn't want the truth of my parents, or friends, or anyone else. I wanted God's truth. I

wanted every idea I held to be true to me because I believed it entirely, heart and soul. I decided if I was to find the answers to my questions I would have to search with an objective mind and I began to read...

I decided that Christianity was not the religion for me. I didn't have anything personal with Christians, but I found that the religion itself contained many inconsistencies, especially when I read the Bible. In the Bible, the inconsistencies I came across and the things that made no sense at all were so numerous that I actually felt embarrassed that I had never questioned them before or even noticed them!

Since some people in my family are Jewish, I started to research Judaism. I thought to myself the answer may be there. So for about a year I did research on anything concerning Judaism, I mean in DEPTH research!! Everyday I tried to read and learn something (I still know about Orthodox Jewish kosher laws!). I went to the library and checked out every book on Judaism within a two month period, looked up info. On the internet, went to the synagogue, talked with other Jewish people in nearby towns and read the Torah and Talmud. I even had one of my Jewish friends come visit me from Israel! I thought maybe I had found what I was looking for. Yet, the day I was supposed to go the synagogue and meet with the rabbi about possibly making my conversion official, I backed out. I honestly don't know what stopped me from leaving the house that day, but I just stopped as I was about to go out the door and went back in and sat down. I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you try to run but everything is in slow motion. I knew the rabbi was there and waiting for me, but I didn't even call to say I was coming. The rabbi didn't call me either. Something was missing...

After learning that Judaism was also not the answer, I thought (also after much pressure from my parents) to give Christianity one more try. I had, as i said, a good background in the technicalities from my years of Sunday schools, but i was more concerned with finding the truth behind the technicalities. What was the beauty of it all, where was the security of it and how I could accept it logically? I knew if I were to seriously consider Christianity, Catholicism was out. I went to every other Christian church in my town, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Latter Day Saints (Mormon) , and non-denominational churches. I didn't find what I was looking for- answers!! It wasn't the environment of the people which turned me away, it was the discrepancies between denominations which disturbed me. I believed there had to be one right way, so how could I possibly chose the "right" denomination? In my estimation it was impossible and unfair for a Compassionate and Merciful God to leave mankind with such a choice. I was lost...

At this point I was just as confused and frustrated as when i began my search. I felt like throwing up my arms to God and shouting, "What now?" I wasn't a Jew, I wasn't a Christian, I was just a person who believed in one God. I thought of giving up organized religion all together. All I wanted was the truth,

I didn't care what holy book it came from, I just wanted it.

One day I was reading on the internet and decided to take a break and find a chat room. I noticed a "religion chat" which of course I was interested in, so I clicked on it. I saw a room called "Muslim chat". Should I go in? I was hoping no terrorists would

gain access to my e-mail and send me computer viruses- or worse. Images of huge men dressed in black with big beards coming to the door and kidnapping me flashed in my brain. (You can tell how much I knew about Islam- zero!) But then I thought, C'mon, this is just an innocent investigation. I decided to go in and noticed that the people in this room weren't as scary as i had imagined they would be. In fact, most of them called each other "brother" or "sister" even if they had just met! I said hi to everyone and told them to fill me in on the basics of Islam - which I knew nothing about. What they had to say was interesting and coincided with what I already believed. Some people offered to send me books so I said okay. (By the way, I never did get any viruses and no men showed up at my door to take me away, except my husband but I went willingly!)

When I logged off the chat I went directly to the library and checked out every book on Islam, just as I had done with Judaism. Now I was interested to read and learn more. Before I could even get the huge stack of books home, I wanted to look through a few. This was a turning point for me.... The first few I looked through explained the basics in more detail, some were scholarly and some had pictures of huge beautiful mosques with women in scarves. Luckily I also checked out a Qur'an...I opened it up at random and began to read. The language was what hit me first, I felt an authority talking to me, not a man talking as I had with other "sacred" texts. The passage I read (and unfortunately I don't know what it was) talked about what God expects you to do in this life and how to live it according to His commandments. It stated that God is The Most Gracious and Merciful and The Forgiver. Most importantly, unto Him is our return. Before I knew it, I could hear each of my tear drops as they hit the pages that I was reading. I was crying right in the middle of the library, because finally, after all my searching and wondering I had found what I was looking for- Islam. I knew the Qur'an was something unique because I had read a lot of religious literature and NONE of it was ever this clear or gave me such a feeling. Now I can see the wisdom of God, Masha'allah for letting me explore Judaism and Christianity so thoroughly before I found Islam so I could compare them all and realize that NOTHING compares to Islam.

From that point on I kept researching Islam. I approached it by looking for inconsistencies as I had done with Judaism and Christianity, but there wasn't any to be found. I scoured the Qur'an, searching for any discrepancy, even to this day I haven't been able to find ONE inconsistency in it! Another great thing I love about the Qur'an is it challenges the reader to question it. It says about itself that if it wasn't from God surely you would find a lot of inconsistency in it! Not only was Islam free of inconsistencies, it had an answer for any question I could think of- an answer that made sense.

After three months, I decided that Islam was the answer and made my conversion official by saying the Shehadah. However, I had to say my Shehadah over the speaker phone with an imam from Pennsylvania because there were no Muslims of mosques near me (the NEAREST was about 6 hours away). I have never regretted my decision to convert. Since there were no Muslims living near me I had to take initiative and do much learning on my own but I never grew tired of it because I was learning the truth. Accepting Islam was like an awakening of my spirit, my mind and even how I viewed the world.

I could compare it to someone who has bad eyesight; they struggle to keep up on class, can't concentrate and are constantly challenged by their handicap. If you just give them a pair of glasses everything becomes clear and in focus. This is how my experience of Islam is: like receiving a pair of glasses, that have allowed me, for the first time, to really see.

Well, that's the whole story.. hope you liked it. Take care and May Allah bless and guide us all!

Your friend, Sumaiya

From devoted Christian to devoted Muslim ( Hayat Ann Collins Osman, USA)

I was raised in a religious Christian family. At that time, Americans were more religious than they are now—most families went to church every Sunday, for example. My parents were involved in the church community. We often had ministers (Protestant "priests") in the house. My mother taught in Sunday school, and I helped her.

I must have been more religious than other children, although I don't remember being so. For one birthday, my aunt gave me a Bible, and my sister a doll. Another time, I asked my parents for a prayer book, and I read it daily for many years.

When I was in junior high school (middle school), I attended a Bible study program for two years. Up to this point, I had read some parts of the Bible, but had not understood them very well. Now was my chance to learn. Unfortunately, we studied many passages in the Old and New Testament that I found inexplicable, even bizarre. For example, the Bible teaches an idea called Original Sin, which means that humans are all born sinful. I had a baby brother, and I knew that babies were not sinful.

The Bible has very strange and disturbing stories about Prophet Abraham and Prophet David, for example. I couldn't understand how prophets could behave the way the Bible says they did. There were many, many other things that puzzled me about the Bible, but I didn't ask questions. I was afraid to ask—I wanted to me known as a "good girl." Al-hamdulillah, there was a boy who asked, and kept asking.

The most critical matter was the notion of Trinity. I couldn't get it. How could God have three parts, one of which was human? Having studied Greek and Roman mythology at school, I thought the idea of the Trinity and powerful human saints very similar to the Greek and Roman ideas of having different so-called "gods" that were in charge of different aspects of life. (Astaghfir-Ullah!) The boy who asked, asked many questions about Trinity, received many answers, and was never satisfied. Neither was I. Finally, our teacher, a University of Michigan Professor of Theology, told him to pray for faith.

I prayed When I was in high school, I secretly wanted to be a nun. I was drawn to the pattern of offering devotions at set times of day, of a life devoted entirely to God, and of dressing in a way that declared my religious lifestyle. An obstacle to this ambition, though, was that I wasn't Catholic. I lived in a midwestern town where Catholics were a distinct, and unpopular minority! Furthermore, my protestant upbringing had instilled in me a distaste for religious statuary, and a healthy disbelief that dead saints had the ability to help me.

In college, I continued to think and pray. Students often talk and argue about religion, and I heard many different ideas. Like Yusuf Islam, I studied the Eastern so-called religions: Buddhism, Confucianism, and Hinduism. No help there.

I met a Muslim from Libya, who told me a little about Islam and the Holy Qur'an.

He told me that Islam is the modern, most up-to-date form of revealed religion. Because I thought of Africa and the Middle East as backwards places, I couldn't see Islam as modern. My family took this Libyan brother to a Christmas church service. The service was breathtakingly beautiful, but at the end, he asked, "Who made up this procedure? Who taught you when to stand and bow and kneel? Who taught you how to pray?" I told him about early Church history, but his question made me angry at first, and later made me think.

Had the people who designed the worship service really been qualified to do so? How had they known the form that worship should take? Had they had divine instruction? I knew that I did not believe in many of the teachings of Christianity, but continued to attend church. When the congregation recited pieces I believed to be blasphemous, such as the Nicene Creed, I was silent—I didn't recite them. I felt almost alien in church, almost a stranger. I knew that I did not believe in many of the teachings of Christianity, but continued to attend church. When the congregation recited pieces I believed to be blasphemous, such as the Nicene Creed, I was silent—I didn't recite them. I felt almost alien in church, almost a stranger.

Horror! Someone very close to me, having dire marital problems, went to a curate of our church for advice. Taking advantage of her pain and self-loathing, he took her to a motel and seduced her.

Up to this point, I had not considered carefully the role of the clergy in Christian life. Now I had to. Most Christians believe that forgiveness comes through the "Holy Communion" service, and that the service must be conducted by an ordained priest or minister. No minister, no absolution.

I went to church again, and sat and looked at the ministers in front. They were no better than the congregation—some of them were worse. How could it be true that the agency of a man, of any human being, was necessary for communion with God? Why couldn't I deal with God directly, and receive His absolution directly?

Soon after this, I found a translation of the meaning of the Qur'an in a bookstore, bought it, and started to read it. I read it, off and on, for eight years. During this time,

I continued to investigate other religions. I grew increasingly aware of and afraid of my sins. How could I know whether God would forgive me? I no longer believed that the Christian model, the Christian way of being forgiven, would work. My sins weighed heavily on me, and I didn't know how to escape the burden of them. I longed for forgiveness.

I read in the Qur'an,

"…nearest among them in love to the Believers you will find those who say, 'We are

Christian': Because

amongst them are Men devoted to learning, and men who have renounced the world

and are not arrogant.

And when they listen to the revelation received by the Messenger, you will see their

eyes overflowing with tears,

for they recognize the truth. They pray, 'Our Lord! We believe. Write us down among

the witnesses.

What cause can we have not to believe in Allah and the truth which has come to us,

seeing that we long

for our Lord to admit us to the company of the righteous?"

--The Holy Qur'an Chapter 5, the Table verses 82-84.

I saw Muslims praying on the TV news, and wanted to learn how. I found a book (by a non-Muslim) that described it, and I tried to do it myself. (I knew nothing of Taharah -- ritural purity -- and did not pray correctly.) I prayed in my own strange, desperate way, secretly and alone, for several years. I memorized some parts of the Qur'an in English, not knowing that Muslims memorize the Qur'an in Arabic.

Finally, after eight years of reading the Qur'an, I found this verse::

"This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favor for you, and chosen Islam as your religion."

--The Holy Qur'an Chapter 5, the Table verse 3.

I wept for joy, because I knew that, way back in time, before the creation of the Earth,

Allah had written this Qur'an for me. Allah had known that Anne Collins, in

Cheektowaga, NY, USA, would read this verse of the Qur'an in May 1986, and be

saved.

Now, I knew that there were many things I had to learn, for example, how to offer the

formal Muslim prayer. The problem was that I didn't know any Muslims.

Muslims are much more visible in the US now than they were then. I didn't know where to find them. I found the phone number of the Islamic Society in the phone book, and dialed it, but when a man answered, I panicked and hung up. What was I

going to say? How would they answer me? Would they be suspicious? Why would they want me, when they had each other and their Islam?

In the next couple of months, I called the mosque a number of times, and each time panicked and hung up. Finally, I did the cowardly thing: I wrote a letter asking for information. The kindly, patient brother at the mosque phoned me, and then started sending me pamphlets about Islam. I told him I wanted to be Muslim, but he told me, "Wait until you are sure." It upset me that he told me to wait, but I knew he was right, that I had to be sure because, once I had accepted Islam, nothing would ever be the same again.

I became obsessed with Islam. I thought about it, day and night. On several occasions, I drove to the mosque (at that time, it was in an old converted house) and circled it many times, hoping to see a Muslim, wondering what it was like inside. Finally, one day in early November 1986, as I was working in the kitchen, I suddenly knew, knew that I was Muslim. Still a coward, I sent the mosque another letter. It said, "I believe in Allah, the One True God, I believe that Muhammad was his Messenger, and I want to be counted among the witnesses."

The brother called me on the phone the next day, and I said my shahadah* on the phone to him. He told me then that Allah had forgiven all my sins at that moment, and that I was as pure as a newborn baby.

I felt the burden of sin slip off my shoulders, and wept for joy. I slept little that night, weeping, and repeating Allah's name.

Forgiveness had been granted. Alhamdulillah.

*The statement a person makes when accepting Islam (and many times a day thereafter: I testify that there is no deity other than Allah, and I testify that Muhammad (s.a.w.) was a messenger of Allah.

Fouad Haddad (Lebanon)

I was born and raised in a typical middle-class Lebanese Catholic family in Beirut, Lebanon. Two years into the war I was forced to leave, and completed high school in England. Then I went to Columbia College in New York. After my BA I went back to Lebanon and taught at my old school. Two years later I left Lebanon again, this time of my own free will, although it was a more wrenching separation than the first. I left behind my war-torn country and made for my new land of opportunities. I was demoralized, and spiritually at a complete impass. With my uncle's support I went back to graduate studies at Columbia. This is the brief story of my conversion to Islam while there.

While in Lebanon I had come to realize that I was a nominal Christian who did not

really live according to what he knew were the norms of his faith. I decided than whenever the chance came I would try my best to live according to my idea of Christian standards for one year, no matter the cost. I took this challenge while at Columbia. A graduate student's life is blessed with the leisure necessary for spiritual and intellectual exploration. In the process I read and meditated abundantly, and I prayed earnestly for dear guidance. My time was shared literally between the church and the library, and I gradually got rid of all that stood in the way of my experiment, especially social attachments or activities that threatened to steal my time and concentration. I only left campus to visit my mother every now and then.

Certain meetings and experiences had set me on the road of inquiry about Islam. During a scholarship year spent in Paris I had bought a complete set of tapes of the holy Qur'an. Back in New York I listened to its recitation for the first time, as I read simultaneously the translation, drinking in its awesome beauty. I paid particular attention to the passages that concerned Christians. I felt an inviting familiarity to it because undoubtedly the One I addressed in my prayers was the same One that spoke this speech, even as I squirmed at some of the "verses of threat". After some time I knew that this was my path, since I had become convinced of the heavenly origin of the Qur'an.

I was reading many books at the same time. Two of them were Martin Lings' "Life of Muhammad" and Fariduddin Attar's "Book of Secrets" (Persian "Asrar-Nama", in French translation). I found extremely inspiring Lings' account of Shaykh Ahmad `Alawi's life in his book "A Sufi Saint of the Twentieth Century." I did not finish the latter before I became a Muslim; but I am jumping ahead. At any rate, it now seemed my previous experience of religion had been like learning the alphabet in comparison, even my early morning and late night Bible readings and my past studies in the original Latin of Saint Augustine, who had once towered in my life as a spiritual giant.

I began to long almost physically for a kind of prayer closer to the Islamic way, which to me held promises of great spiritual fulfillment, although I had grown completely dependent on certain spiritual habits -- particularly communion and prayer -- and could hardly do without them. And yet I had unmistakable signs pointing me in a further direction. One of them I considered almost a slap in the face in its frankness: when I told my local priest about the attraction I felt towards Islam he responded as he should, but then closed his talk with the words: allahu akbar. "Allahu akbar"? An Italian-American priest?!

I went to two New York mosques but the imams there wanted to talk about the Bible or about the Middle East conflict, I suppose to make polite conversation with me. I realized they did not necessarily see what drove me to them and yet I did not find an avenue where I would pluck up the courage to declare my intention. Then I would go home and tell myself: Another day has passed, and you are still not Muslim. Finally I went to the Muslim student group at Columbia and announced my intention, and declared the two shahada: The Arabic formula that consists in saying "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah" -- the Arabic name for God -- "and I bear witness that Muhammad is His Prophet." They taught me ablution and salat (prayer), and I gained a dear friend among them. Those days are marked in my life with letters of light.

Another close friend of mine played a role in this conversion. This devout American Christian friend had entered Islam years before me. At the time I felt in my silly pride that it was wrong for an American to enter into the religion of the Arabs and for me, an Arab, to stand like a mule in complete ignorance of it. It had a great effect on me from both sides: the cultural one and the spiritual, because he was -- is -- an honest and upright person whose major move meant a great deal to me.

I had also come to realize that my early education in Lebanon had carefully ****tered me from Islam, even though I lived in a mixed neighborhood in the middle of Beirut. I went to my father's and grandfather's Jesuit school. The following incident is proof that there is no turning away of Allah's gift when He decides to give it. One year, when I was 12, a strange religious education teacher gave us as an assignment the task of learning the Fatiha -- the first chapter of the Qur'an -- by heart. I went home and did, and it stayed with me all my life. After parents complained he was fired -- "we do not send our children to a Christian school in order for them to learn the religion of Muslims" -- but the seed had been sown, right there in the staunch Christian heartland, inside its prize school. Now here I was in the United States, knocking at the door of the religion of the Prophet, peace be upon him!

Days after I took shahada I met my teacher and the light on my path, Shaykh Hisham Kabbani of Tripoli, after which I met his own teacher, Shaykh Nazim al-Haqqani of Cyprus. May Allah bless and grant them long life. Through them, after some years, my mother also took shahada and I hope and pray every day that my two brothers and stepfather will soon follow in Allah's immense generosity. Allah's blessings and peace on the Prophet, his Family, his Companions, and all Prophets.

Monica (Ecuador/USA)

Assalamu Aleykum!

I was born in a Catholic family in Ecuador. My family was never very religious. I mean, they didn't go to church or things like that, except for my grandma whom I loved very much. However, they sent me to a Catholic high school. There, I learned about the religion and I also learned about the spiritual side of life. Years later, I had the opportunity to go to a college in the U.S. Over there, there were a good number of muslims studying. I didn't know anything at all about Islam at first. Sometimes I saw them performing prayers. I had never seen a prayer like that. I thought it was very peaceful, and they seemed to have so much faith while doing it. This is the first thing that attracted me to Islam. Actually, it wasn't until I was about to come back home, when I was finishing school, that I decided to learn more about this religion. I always liked to learn about other beliefs and cultures. But this was time that I especially felt unsatisfied about Catholicism. Then, I tried to contact some people at the masjid (MOSQUE). Finally, they led me to a sister who was teaching classes for converts at the mosque. I started attending these classes, and after a few months I decided that Islam was the religion for me. Islam, in contrast to Catholicism, seemed very pure. I mean, like it had very little influence from people. It seemed perfect. It was hard to

find anything I could disagree with. Its hard for me to express the difference I felt between these two religions...I also feel that with Islam I'm sort of more guided, either by the Quran or the hadiths. Whereas, when I was Catholic, it was kind of like I had to figure out what to do in certain situation. People might think that Islam is strict, but I think thats the way its meant to be. I mean, I feel in this way God tells us very clearly what he expects. And you don't have to just wonder in the world looking for the truth, or the real happiness, or things like that.

Islam hasn't been easy, I have to admit. For those coming from other religions, and for muslims too, I'd like to say that its very important to respect others, and to learn to listen to them. One of the problems with Islam has been that muslims have been so closed to other people, that they cant get to know us or the religion. I also think that muslims should be more open to converts, and more respectful to them. I myself felt sometimes rejected by both groups, the muslims and my old catholic friends. I've met other converts, and often they seem like they have more faith than a muslim-born person. So, I think they deserve some credit for that. It's very unfair to treat them as if they were not real muslims.

Well, thats about it. I hope Im not missing anything. Of course there are many things Id like to say. But its getting too long.

Karima Slack Razi

I took the Shahadah on September 20, 1991. If you had told me 5 years prior that I would embrace Islam, I never would have believed you. In retrospect, Allah's guidance was so subtle yet consistent, that now I see my whole life as leading up to that moment. It is difficult to encapsulate the exact factors that brought me to Islam because it was a journey, a process, that lasted three years. Those three years were both exhilarating and exhausting. My perceptions of myself and the world changed dramatically. Some beliefs were validated; others, shattered. At times I feared I would lose myself; at other times I knew that this path was my destiny and embraced it. Throughout those years, a series of aspects of Islam intrigued me. Slowly and gradually, my studies led me towards the day when I took the declaration of faith, the shahadah.

Prior to my introduction to Islam, I knew that I yearned for more spiritual fulfillment in my life. But, as yet, nothing had seemed acceptable or accessible to me. I had been brought up essentially a secular humanist. Morals were emphasized, but never attributed to any spiritual or divine being. The predominant religion of our country, Christianity, seemed to burden a person with too much guilt. I was not really familiar with any other religions. I wish I could say that, sensing my spiritual void, I embarked on a spiritual quest and studied various religions in depth. However, I was too comfortable with my life for that. I come from a loving and supportive family. I had many interesting and supportive friends. I thoroughly enjoyed my university studies and I was successful at the university. Instead, it was the "chance" meeting of various Muslims that instigated my study of Islam.

Sharif was one of the first Muslims who intrigued me. He was an elderly man who

worked in a tutorial program for affirmative action that I had just entered. He explained that while his job brought little monetary reward, the pleasure he gained from teaching students brought him all the reward he needed. He spoke softly and genuinely. His demeanor more than his words caught me, and I thought, "I hope I have his peace of spirit when I reach his age." That was in 1987.

As I met more Muslims, I was struck not only by their inner peace, but by the strength of their faith. These gentle souls contrasted with the violent, sexist image I had of Islam. Then I met Imran, a Muslim friend of my brother's who I soon realized was the type of man I would like to marry. He was intelligent, sincere, independent, and at peace with himself. When we both agreed that there was potential for marriage, I began my serious studies of Islam. Initially, I had no intention of becoming Muslim; I only desired to understand his religion because he had made it clear that he would want to raise his children as Muslims. My response was: "If they will turn out as sincere, peaceful and kind as he is, then I have no problem with it. But I do feel obligated to understand Islam better first."

In retrospect, I realize that I was attracted to these peaceful souls because I sensed my own lack of inner peace and conviction. There was an inner void that was not completely satisfied with academic success or human relationships. However, at that point I would never have stated that I was attracted to Islam for myself. Rather, I viewed it as an intellectual pursuit. This perception was compatible with my controlled, academic lifestyle.

Since I called myself a feminist, my early reading centered around women in Islam. I thought Islam oppressed women. In my Womens Studies courses I had read about Muslim women who were not allowed to leave their homes and were forced to cover their heads. Of course I saw hijab as an oppressive tool imposed by men rather than as an expression of self-respect and dignity. What I discovered in my readings surprised me. Islam not only does not oppress women, but actually liberates them, having given them rights in the 6th century that we have only gained in this century in this country: the right to own property and wealth and to maintain that in her name after marriage; the right to vote; and the right to divorce.

This realization was not easy in coming....I resisted it every step of the way. But there were always answers to my questions. Why is there polygamy? It is only allowed if the man can treat all four equally and even then it is discouraged. However, it does allow for those times in history when there are more women than men, especially in times of war, so that some women are not deprived of having a relationship and children. Furthermore, it is far superior to the mistress relationship so prevalent here since the woman has a legal right to support should she have a child. This was only one of many questions, the answers to which eventually proved to me that women in Islam are given full rights as individuals in society.

However, these discoveries did not allay all my fears. The following year was one of intense emotional turmoil. Having finished up my courses for my masters in Latin American Studies in the spring of 1989, I decided to take a year to substitute teach. This enabled me to spend a lot of time studying Islam. Many things I was reading about Islam made sense. However, they didn't fit into my perception of the world. I had always perceived of religion as a crutch. But could it be that it was the truth?

Didn't religions cause much of the oppression and wars in the world? How then could I be considering marrying a man who followed one of the world's major religions? Every week I was hit with a fresh story on the news, the radio or the newspaper about the oppression of Muslim women. Could I, a feminist, really be considering marrying into that society? Eyebrows were raised. People talked about me in worried tones behind my back. In a matter of months, my secure world of 24 years was turned upside down. I no longer felt that I knew what was right or wrong. What was black and white, was now all gray.

But something kept me going. And it was more than my desire to marry Imran. At any moment I could have walked away from my studies of Islam and been accepted back into a circle of feminist, socialist friends and into the loving arms of my family. While these people never deserted me, they haunted me with their influence. I worried about what they would say or think, particularly since I had always judged myself through the eyes of others. So I secluded myself. I talked only with my family and friends that I knew wouldn't judge me. And I read.

It was no longer an interested, disinterested study of Islam. It was a struggle for my own identity. Up to that time I had produced many successful term papers. I knew how to research and to support a thesis. But my character had never been at stake. For the first time, I realized that I had always written to please others. Now, I was studying for my own spirit. It was scary. Although I knew my friends and family loved me, they couldn't give me the answers. I no longer wanted to lean on their support. Imran was always there to answer my questions. While I admired his patience and his faith that all would turn out for the best, I didn't want to lean too heavily on him out of my own fear that I might just be doing this for a man and not for myself. I felt I had nothing and no one to lean on. Alone, frightened and filled with self-doubt, I continued to read.

After I had satisfied my curiosity about women in Islam and been surprised by the results, I began to read about the life of the Prophet Muhammad and to read the Qu'ran itself. As I read about the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), I began to question my initial belief that he was merely an exceptional leader. His honesty prior to any revelations, his kindness, his sagacity, his insights into his present as well as the future--all made me question my initial premise. His persistence in adversity and, later, his humility in the face of astounding success seemed to belie human nature. Even at the height of his success when he could have enjoyed tremendous wealth, he refused to have more than his poorest companions in Islam.

Slowly I was getting deeper and deeper into the Qu'ran. I asked, "Could a human being be capable of such a subtle, far-reaching book?" Furthermore, there are parts that are meant to guide the Prophet himself, as well as reprimand him. I wondered if the Prophet would have reprimanded himself.

As I slowly made my way through the Qu'ran, it became less and less an intellectual activity, and more and more a personal struggle. There were days when I would reject every word--find a way to condemn it, not allow it to be true. But then I would suddenly happen upon a phrase that spoke directly to me. This first happened when I was beginning to experience a lot of inner turmoil and doubt and I read some verses towards the end of the second chapter: "Allah does not burden any human being with

more than he is well able to bear" (2:286). Although I would not have stated that I believed in Allah at that time, when I read these words it was as if a burden was lifted from my heart.

I continued to have many fears as I studied Islam. Would I still be close to my family if I became a Muslim? Would I end up in an oppressive marriage? Would I still be "open-minded?" I believed secular humanism to be the most open-minded approach to life. Slowly I began to realize that secular humanism is as much an ideology, a dogma, as Islam. I realized that everyone had their ideology and I must consciously choose mine. I realized that I had to have trust in my own intellect and make my own decisions--that I should not be swayed by the negative reactions of my "open-minded," "progressive" friends. During this time, as I started keeping more to myself, I was becoming intellectually freer than any time in my life.

Two and a half years later, I had finished the Qu'ran, been delighted by its de******ions of nature and often reassured by its wisdom. I had learned about the extraordinary life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH); I had been satisfied by the realization that Islam understands that men and women are different but equal; and I discovered that Islam gave true equality not only to men and women, but to all races and social classes, judging only by one's level of piety. And I had gained confidence in myself and my own decisions. It was then that I came to the final, critical question: Do I believe in one God? This is the basis of being a Muslim. Having satisfied my curiosity about the rules and historical emergence of Islam, I finally came to this critical question, the essence of being Muslim. It was as if I had gone backwards: starting with the details before I finally reached the spiritual question. I had to wade through the technicalities and satisfy my academic side before I could finally address the spiritual question. Did I.... Could I place my trust in a greater being? Could I relinquish my secular humanist approach to life?

Twice I decided to take the shahadah and then changed my mind the next day. One afternoon, I even knelt down and touched my forehead to the floor, as I had often seen Muslims do, and asked for guidance. I felt such peace in that position. Perhaps in that moment I was a Muslim a heart, but when I stood up, my mind was not ready to officially take the shahadah.

After that moment a few more weeks passed. I began my new job: teaching high school. The days began to pass very quickly, a flurry of teaching, discipline and papers to correct. As my days began to pass so fast, it struck me that I did not want to pass from this world without having declared my faith in Allah. Intellectually, I understood that the evidence present in the Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) life and in the Qu'ran was too compelling to deny. And, at that moment, I was also ready in my heart for Islam. I had spent my life longing for a truth in which heart would be compatible with mind, action with thought, intellect with emotion. I found that reality in Islam. With that reality came true self-confidence and intellectual freedom. A few days after I took the shahadah , I wrote in my journal that finally I have found in Islam the validation of my inner thoughts and intuition. By acknowledging and accepting Allah, I have found the door to spiritual and intellectual freedom.

Lara

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem

DISCOVERING ISLAM: A CANADIAN MUSLIMA'S STORY

As-Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmahtullahi wa Barakatu (May the peace, the mercy, and the blessings of Allah be upon you).

I am Canadian-born of Scandinavian and other ancestry, and I was raised in Canada. I have been a Muslima since February 1993 when I was 23. While growing up, I was never affiliated with any religion nor was I an atheist. When I was in my mid-teens I started to think somewhat about religion and at that time I did believe in the Oneness of God (Tawheed). Christianity never interested me.

My first contact with Muslims occurred when I was introduced to some Muslim international students in 1988. Through them I learned a bit about Islam, such as Ramadan fasting. But it was really not until 1992 that I became interested in Islam. In the summer of that year a Canadian newspaper published a series of articles attacking Islam by using examples of anti-Islamic behaviour of some Muslims in an attempt to vilify Islam itself. Non-Muslims tend to judge Islam on the basis of the behaviour (which is not necessarily Islamic) of Muslims. I was not yet a Muslima but the articles were so outrageous that I sent a letter to the editor in defence of Islam. Now I was curious about Islam. I re-read some articles I had picked up several months earlier from the MSA Islam Awareness Week display at my university. One was about 'Isa [Jesus] as a Prophet of Islam. Also, I asked a Muslim to get me some books about Islam; they were about the overall ideology of Islam and were written by two famous Muslim authors. Impressed, I thought, "This is Islam? It seems so right." Over the next few months in my free time while attending university I continued to learn about Islam from authentic Islamic books, for example The Life of Muhammad (Salallahu Alaihe wa Salam) by Dr. Muhammad Haykal. One certainly does not learn the truth about Islam from the mass media! Also, newcomers to Islam especially must be careful to avoid the writings of deviant groups which claim ties to Islam so as not to be misled. And just because the author has an Arabic name does not necessarily mean that he or she is a knowledgeable Muslim or even Muslim at all. Also, I learned about Islam from some kind, knowledgeable Muslims and Muslimas who did not pressure me. Meanwhile, I had begun to Islamize my behaviour which did not require huge change. I already avoided consuming alcohol and pig meat. Also, I always preferred to dress conservatively/modestly and not wear makeup, perfume, or jewellery outside my home. I started to eat only Islamically slaughtered meat. Also during this time I visited a masjid (mosque) in my city for the first time.

Until I discovered Islam, I knew almost nothing about it. I say discovered because the "Islam" that I had always heard about through the mass media is not true Islam. I had always assumed that Islam is just another man-made religion, not knowing that it is the Truth. I had also assumed that a person had to be raised as a Muslim to be one. I was not aware of the fact that all humans are born Muslim (in a state of Islam -submitted to the Creator). Like many "Westerners" I associated Islam with the "East" and did not know that Islam is universal in both time and place. However, I never had

negative feelings about Islam, al-Hamdulillah. The more knowledge that I acquired about Islam, the more I felt that I too can actually be Muslim as I found that many of the beliefs that I already had were actually Islamic not merely "common sense."

So after familiarizing myself with what Islam is basically about and what are the duties and proper conduct of a Muslim person, as well as thinking and reflecting, I felt ready to accept Islam and live as a Muslima. One day while at home I said the Shahada (declaration of faith) and began to perform the five daily salawat (prayers), al-Hamdulillah. That was in February 1993, several days before the fasting month of Ramadan began. I did not want to miss the fasting this time! I found the fasting to be much easier than I had anticipated; before I fasted I had worried that I might faint. At first there was a bit of an adjustment period getting used to the new routine of performing salah and fasting, and I made some mistakes, but it was exciting and not difficult. I started to read the Qur'an when I was given one soon after accepting Islam. Before that I had read only excerpts of it in other books. Also in the beginning, I found The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam by Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi to be a useful guide.

In January 1996 (during Ramadan) I started to wear the Islamic headscarf (hijab). I realized that I could not fully submit to Allah (SWT), which is what being Muslim is about, without wearing it. Islam must be accepted and practised in its entirety; it is not an "alter-to-suit-yourself" religion. Since becoming a Muslima I was aware that the headscarf is required of Muslim women and I had intended to wear it eventually. I should have worn it immediately upon accepting Islam but for many Muslimas (even some from Muslim families) it is not easy to take that step and put it on in a non-Muslim society. It is silly how so many persons get upset over a piece of fabric! Also, it is interesting to note that Christian nuns are never criticized for covering their heads. Never in my life did I have negative feelings toward muhajjabas (women who wear hijab) when I saw them. What made me hesitate to put it on was fearing receiving bad treatment from others, especially family. But we must fear Allah (SWT) only, not others. In the few months before I permanently put on hijab I started "practising" wearing it. I wore it when I travelled between my home and the local masjid on Fridays when I started attending the jum'a salah (Friday congregational prayer). (Of course, since becoming Muslim I always wore it during every salah). A couple of weeks prior, in du'a I began asking Allah (SWT) to make it easy for me to wear it.

The day I finally put it on permanently I had reached the point where I felt that I could no longer go out with a bare head, and I thought "tough bananas" if others do not like me wearing it since I alone am accountable for my actions and am required to perform my Islamic duties, and I could never please everyone anyway. Sometimes opposition to hijab is a control issue: some persons just plainly do not like those who are determined and independent especially if it is their child.

Upon wearing it I immediately felt protected and was finally able to go out and not be the target of stares/leers from men. At first I felt a bit self-conscious but after several weeks I felt completely used to wearing hijab. Sometimes other persons look puzzled/confused, I think because they are not used to seeing pale-faced, blue-eyed Muslimas! By the way, wearing hijab is da'wah in a way as it draws attention to Islam.

Since accepting Islam I continue to seek knowledge about the Deen (religion) which is a lifelong duty for all Muslims--male and female. Currently, I am learning Arabic and hope to be able to read the Qur'an in Arabic soon, insha'Allah. Reading, discussing Islam with other Muslims, and the Friday jum'a khutba are all educational. Striving to be as pious as one can be and fighting against one's own evil traits (jihad al-nafs) takes effort and is continuous and never ending for Muslims.

I find Islam ever-more fascinating, and I enjoy living as a Muslima.

Michelle

As-salaamu-alaikum,

I come from a Jewish family in New York. My mother was from S. A. but also Jewish. She never was comfortable with anyone knowing that. When my father died, she remarried a Catholic and became one herself. And that is how she brought us up. From the age of 5 I was told that Jesus was also God...? I never felt comfortable with it.

We moved to the Philippines - that is where my stepfather was from. And life there was unbearable. My stepfather, to put it mildly, was abusive to me and my 2 brothers. The effect of that hard life: my spelling is poor, one of my brothers is now a drinker, and the other has a low selfworth.

When I grew up and we returned to the USA, I left home. I took care of myself by working hard. I never had time for God, whoever He was. I did not feel that God helped me in any way, so why bother? I did try to get back to my roots but Judaism made no sense, so I let that go. I did come across Muslims from time to time but the effect was, how do they dress that way, and why do they seem different? Over time, the idea of Islam kept coming back to me, so I tried to find out more. I read the history and life of Mohammed (Pbuh). That is what got to me: such kindness and sabr (patience) in the face of hardships.

It seemed to me that my life had no direction, so I went to learn more. After reading surah Al-Fatihah, I knew I had come home - this is where I wanted to be! I became a Muslim and have never regretted it. I always knew there was only ONE God -ALLAH - and things have not been always easy for me. My mother died of cancer soon after I became a Muslim. But the faith I have helped me make it. Just being able to go to ALLAH with all my pain was such a relief. It is the only true lifestyle known to man, and it is the truth and the last chance for us. I wish all mankind could come to know the truth (haqq) of Islam, and its peace and beauty!